Just the other day, I was having coffee with a 28-year-old from London who had landed on the sunny shores of South Africa. As we enjoyed a meaningful conversation, he asked me, “What is the wisest thing your mindfulness coach advised you?” I was flattered. Me? A 68-year-old dishing out life advice was an honour.
This is what I told him. “My life coach used story-telling as an easy making a point. His best piece of advice was about falling into a hole. You are walking along the road when you come across a hole. You stop and look in. It seems interesting, and because you’re curious, you drop into it only to discover it’s not a hospitable place. With difficulty, you manage to claw your way out of the hole. Rather flustered and somewhat muddy, you continue walking down the road when you see another hole.
I know this hole, you think, and carefully walk around it curious as to what’s in the hole. You look down, it seems comfortable. It has padded walls and a soft couch to sit in. It also has a TV set and an attractive-looking person with possible potential. All eager, you climb into the hole. Ah, this is the place you think to yourself. You settle in quite comfortably until a couple of years you realise you are still in a hole. It’s comfortable, to be sure, but it’s still a hole.
You look for a way out and in the dead of night climb out the hole. You carry on walking until you see another hole. No fool – you gingerly walk over the road and avoid falling back into the hole. As you reach the other side, you see another hole. This time is different. You decide to fill the hole and plant green flowers around it.”
I love this analogy because it shows life as it is. Too often, we become trapped in situations and relationships with the wrong people. However, if we consider each situation before reacting, we might find life becomes a lot easier.
No sooner had we finished our chat when his phone rang. His landlady had decided to rent his room to another tenant without first discussing it with him. It was the third time in a month he’d have to move.
It was then I reminded him about the hole…