“Anyone can become angry – that is easy. But to be angry at the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.” Aristotle
Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you don’t know how to respond or what you want to say? Or so hurt by someone you felt you could never forgive them? So scared you were shaking all over?
To manage these overpowering emotions we need to channel their energy in a positive direction. A good way of doing this is to fully feel the emotion, physically, mentally and in our psyche. Take a step back for a moment and ask yourself: “What’s really the matter?” and “What’s most important here?” Sit quietly and wait for the answer to arrive. When the answer does arrive, meet it with interest and curiosity.
What is it trying to tell you? In what ways is it protecting you from being hurt?” Instead of pushing these feelings away learn to live with the question and be open to the answers that emerge.
STEPS TO FOCUSING
1. Relax
2. Feel the problem
3. Attend to the core of the uncomfortable feeling
4. Find the right label for the feeling
5. Allow a little time to experience any bodily shifts
6. Do another round starting at step 3 until you have a handle on overwhelming feelings.
Ultimately, you are in charge of your feelings. In order to turn around their potential for destroying relationships, you can reframe them and find ways to counter their negative effect. To do this requires calm and a sense of easing the initial raw emotion.
If something or someone hurts or angers you aim to communicate your feelings when the time feels right with the purpose of improving the relationship and encouraging better communication.
Emotions can be both overpowering and overwhelming often leaving us feeling unable to be assertive and improve our communication with the other person. Perhaps this person can become our greatest teacher there to show us how to be assertive, have healthy boundaries and communicate in a way where both feel heard.